Let’s be honest: it wasn’t your grandad’s watch. In fact, it came from a kiosk in a suburban mall your grandad wouldn’t be caught dead in. The display of watches in every color of the rainbow drew your gaze from the overrun food court. You paid for it with money you may or may not have begged your mom for as you convinced her it was a “back to school” purchase to go along with your new backpack and jeans she insisted you try on before heading to the register.

• You learned it wasn’t exactly as waterproof as it claimed
• Nor was it shockproof (as you also learned)
• It was made of some sort of plastic that won’t biodegrade anytime this century and had a color so bright and garish, your eyes hurt when you looked at it. Had you gone missing, though, it would have been of great help to the search and rescue team. Safety first, right?
• And what was the deal with the smell it would leave when you peeled it off your now tan-lined wrist at the end of a hot summer day?  No, that was not fresh, my friend.
• After about a week, the clasp started to wear away and the notch that held it in place became stretched in a way that tested the laws of physics.
• That said, even when it stopped working you still liked to wear it (not that you ever really used it to tell the time anyway).
• When you think back on it now, the whole thing makes you think of the Simpsons. You and Bart were probably about the same age then. He still is that age. Sadly you are not. Oh nostalgia, you can be so cruel…

Bart doesn’t have one of these though, does he? Look at that beauty on your wrist. Not only can you tell the time now, but that’s a hand-stitched black alligator strap with a blue fumé dial. Hello, Pioneer.

Ok so you still have the tan line, but… you’ve come a long way since then.